Pat me down

So this past weekend I took a mini vacation to a far far away place called the East Coast. I'd been dreaming for these couple of days, filled with great friends, past loves and booze. The most important thing being a couple of days with no worries, no work, and days where drinking is a sport, where the key to winning or as we alumni from Trinity College call it "Trinning" is not blacking out, or getting your stomach pumped, or dying. Its sad really what college does to those of us. Innocence lost, harumph. Anywho so I'm in the MSP Airport, check in for my flight, then wait in a long ass line at the security checkpoint. So I get up there unzip my suitcase take out my two ziploc bags filled with dangerous liquid like um i dunno, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, and maybe some hand sanitizer. Remove my shoes, wearing absolutely no socks. So now my feet are on the bare tile and cold. Then I have to lug my big ass purse and carry-on on top of the conveyor belt. Take out my laptop out of its case and watch as all of my things are scanned and looked over by somewhere who is not my mother. Now wait one freaking second I'm not gonna complain about not being a terrorist and blah blah blah but really I mean what if I had something real weird like i dunno a vibrator. You know some smart ass TSA agent is either going to crack a joke or smirk oh wait did that really happen already to someone else.

(Click on link below if you want a real good laugh)

TSA Transportation Security Administration Worker Who Left 'Get Your Freak On' Note In Blogger Jill Filipovic's Luggage With Vibrator To Be Fired « CBS New York

 Alright so you have to scan my shit while making me take off my sweatshirt so you can ogle my 36Bs and then have me walk on this bare floor and when I set the alarm off you want to pat me down. This is outrageous and I will curse your ass out so prepare. So now I'm pissed off and you are patting me down....I want a woman to pat me down get your nasty man hands away from me.

TSA wanna pat me down
Shoulders, Chests, Pants, Shoes (x2)
They be getting in my way
When I'm tryna board a plane
TSA wanna pat me down ©

Now don't ever say I didn't rap for ya'll ok. Those lyrics are blackkatemoss ™ copyrighted don't steal them because I'm broke and I might just have to sue you.

OK back to point so now you've gotten to 2nd base with me and you didnt even offer to buy me drinks or take me out for dinner. Pshhh! How rude! (Rudy Huxtable voice....please google and watch a youtube video if you have no idea who that is).  Alright back on track so if you thought this is not annoying then you clearly have not been through New Yorks JFK int'l airport. So picture the same above scene except without them asking to remove your sweatshirt. You remove all requested items follow all the rules then you precede to walk through the metal detectors ....Oh hold up the security officer puts up his/her hand and tells you to go back. So yeah I did just that, now I hear "turn sideways and put your feet in the boxes"....um what boxes, shit there are boxes that are on the ground for me to put my feet in. "Ok, now raise your arms up", ok yeah I did that, "No, higher, higher, all the way above your head."

 Alright stop! Now I've never been arrested but I've watched enough movies to know when a black person is about to be arrested (please don't be offended for me I crack these jokes all the time). Now they can't really be serious can they .... (here's a very real picture of the methods they employ).

You done lost your mind....I'm all for national security but the madness has got to stop. How about you just put me in a glass cage filled with money blowing all around so I can dance for you erotically. After all I did take a pole aerobics class.