Move B****, GET OUT THE WAY

So I'm not sure exactly when this started but honest to God (and I am taking his name in vain but for a good purpose) I can't believe how many idiotic drivers we have on the roads today. Like OMG! The amount of dumbasses talking and driving on their cell phones or switching radio stations every five seconds, or munching on a burger from McD's is astounding. Now I have done at least one of these things at one time or another but I believe myself to be a pretty defensive driver. Now I know that only having had my license for a year, but I like to think that the lack of experience I have I make up for it in common sense. 

Moving on. Now I may offend some of you with what I'm about to say but I'm just going to do it, and you should probably get over it at some point. The two worst set of drivers are old people and I mean OLD people and Somalians. Don't worry I'll also include stupid pedestrians in this post as well. 

Lets start with the first example of older people. I realize that one day I will get old and that my driving reflexes will be dulled but seriously take public transportation it'll probably get you there in the same amount of time as the speed you are currently driving at. An elderly person is driving and consistently braking....not because there is something in front of them but because they are exceeding the speed limit. 

C'mon grandpa you're in the fast lane lets move it up to 60 or 65. I can't even pass you because you're driving the same speed limit as the person in the lane over and you are making me late to work. I absolutely have no patience for this shit so I'm pretty sure I'll flick you off. As I finally pass you I'm feeling rather upset and yelling (in my mind anyway) obscenities at this stupid f***tard who wont move over to the next lane so I can pass you. Thats what the slow lane is for you freaking idiot. I pass you finally and peer into the passenger window where you are trying to avoid looking at me and omg you're an old person. Instantly I try to take back all the negative thoughts and profanities I just yelled at you while still obviously mad over the situation, I mean I have a heart too ya know. Just next time drive your ass in the slow lane ok. So I feel a slight twinge of regret but hey shit happens. 


On to my next victims! Somali drivers!

Usually I would not single out a specific ethinicity group  but sometimes you just gotta tell it the way it is ya feel me? So here's an example from today. I pull up to a parking spot at work ...street parking and I'm about to give the world my awesome version of parallel parking...so I pull up to the car in front just enough distance etc etc I whip my little honda crv 

like Willow Smith whips her hair back and forth. Thats how good I am at parallel parking. Now I put my car in reverse because I'd like to get closer to the sidewalk without rubbing my tires against the pavement.  So I'm keeping my eyes on my passenger side mirror I'm backing up and all of a sudden...lets call it female intuition tells me to look in my rear view mirror. I look back in my rear view mirror when lo and behold this fucking asshole who is on the opposite side of the road tries to do a 3 point turn right in the space that I'm backing up into....

 lets examine the figure below

do you see where the number one arrow leads to....yeah that's the space my car was backing into before he decided to play god with my car...

now what the fuck is he doing ...

I'm a little ashamed to say/admit this but I rolled my window down and politely asked him although I'm pretty sure he couldn't hear since his window was rolled up if he thought we was (this is a direct quote) "DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DRIVING A FUCKING CAMEL!" You FUCKING ASSHOLE I COULD'VE HIT YOUR FUCKING CAR....WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS! He precedes to then park in the spot in front of the car I just parallel parked behind. Now is it me or was he clearly a fucking idiot. My mom always says that you don't drive for yourself you drive for other people on the road...well really she says "Yuh nuh drive fi yuhself yuh drive fi di ediaat driva dem" but I think the English version shall suffice for an interpretation. Seriously, though Somali drivers are always just doing something to irk me. Like talking on the phone using both hands to gesture and no hand on the steering wheel thus making the car swerve into my lane. Or the women are forever turning into lanes without signaling..or omg running a red light and almost broadsiding my mothers vehicle with my nephew in the back. Honestly in my mind and I know its harsh to say but no other worse drivers can compare to these people. In fact I want to petition that every Somali driver actually sit their road test with someone who is not Somalian. Because lets face it we all know everyone tries to go to the easiest place there is and find someone who is like us whether by gender or race who will undoubtedly pass us based on those likeness qualities. Plus half the time they don't even have licenses and then whose insurance rate goes up because of their stupidity.


Pedestrians, Pedestrians....I will not let you off of the hook either. 


Alright now picture the same scenario as the previous scene. Only this really isn't a scenario but happened to me on last week Thursday. I'm whipping my car into a tight spot but I'm gonna make it when all of a sudden this woman who I saw crossing the street decides that my moving car is the perfect place to walk behind. I slam on my breaks even though I wasn't going fast at all so as to prevent from tapping her and this woman doesn't even glance towards me. 

Want to know why...
because she's a fucking idiot thats why and stupid people always know when they have royally f'ed up. Listen up pedestrian I don't know if you've ever heard this before but its another saying i've picked up from my dear mother. "You never see a car in the morgue!" and this saying is very true...because people die when they get hit by cars or sometimes even while still in their cars. But banged up cars get recycled and turned into new car parts. People can't regenerate like that yet. So don't be and f'in idiot ok. Learn how to walk on the sidewalk and don't walk behind moving cars. Otherwise . . .

Cars can kill people. That's my point.....don't be stupid with your life. Oh and your driving...yeah it SUCKS! 


Also sorry for the profanity, I'm working on it but when I get really heated about a particular topic it unleashes. But really uncensored Kelly is way better than censored Kelly.